Had a busy bee day today. Printed lots of pictures with my awesome new printer, went to the bank, went to the dollar tree, got dressed and ready for work, and then finally went to work until about 10. Now i am sitting here procrastinating with doing my homework. Im have so much fun printing and photoshopping. HMMMMmm… i guess i should get to it! I edited this picture… it was taken about a two years ago and i kinda forgot about it. Anyway its a little on the sexy side =x hehe. Catch-ya later:)

Woah do i need a tan! Brian took this picture of me over the summer and i was so bronzed! I miss that… Im super pale right now its horrendous, haha. Anyway, yesterday i closed at work and even though it was a super long shift (since i got there an hour and a half earlier than i was supposed to…by accident!) it was well worth it. I made some good money:) FINALLY, right!? I needed that.. since im only scheduled two days a week, it was like working 4 days. Brian and i are going to get a printer/scanner today. Im really excited because then i can start making prints of my work and all that jazz!=] Well i better go get ready to go, i want to get there before the stores close! Its sunday…..

Heres a little thing i did. I thought it turned out pretty cool. I called it “The Reflection” im not sure if thats a good title but whatever.

Brian and i went out to dinner and then saw the movie Cloverfield. It was realllly good! I had such a blast with him last night. We needed a little night out. We came back home and watched tv together all night cuddling and laughing hehe. Hes my sweetest<3

Ive been on a better schedule lately, THANK GOD! I was waking up way too late the past few weeks. I think waking up at 10 is a good time for me. I dont have to be in my first class until 1. I’ve also been keeping up with my photoshop practicing. I feel better about that, and i think it makes brian happy too. I think hes excited that im going into graphic design. I am too because i think its going to be a profession that i will love. I wish there was more of a job opportunity in michigan with it because i dont really want to have to move away from my family just yet. and i know brian doesnt want to either or leave his job. I would never leave him for a job so i guess we will just have to see where life takes me.

This picture i did kind of represents the pain i feel sometimes. Alone and broken inside because of what i did. I wish i had a time machine and could go back in time, but i cant. I know learning lessons and dealing with the consequences are a part of life, i just wish this was something i could change. REGRET. Never felt it so much until as of late (past 6 months…). Please believe that is not who i am. Please believe that i am sorry. Please believe that you are my one and only…

I fucked up.

I love you, Brian.

Please forgive me.

Pack up
I’m a stray
enough
Oh say say say you’ll
Say say say you’ll
Say say say you’ll
Say say say you’ll
Say say say..

Wait.
They don’t love you like I love you
Wait.
They don’t love you like I love you
Maps………..
Wait.
They don’t love you like I love you

Made off
Don’t stray
Well my kinds
Your kind
I’ll stay the same

———————————-

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don’t believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

Because maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You’re my wonderwall 

Just another picture i made… I started school yesterday and im excited to be back. It finally feels like im doing something with my life again. I want to get straight A’s. We’ll see i guess. After i graduate i want to go to Wayne State because i want to get my bachelors degree. I think my life drawing class is going to be a ton of fun because the teacher seems awesome. I wish they had more fun art teachers at HFCC because the drawing 1&2 teachers are so mean and harsh. Isnt art supposed to be enjoyable? Anyway so yeah… really happy about that. Hopefully ill be good at drawing the human form.

Im feeling sad today. Brian has been distant for about a week now. I dont know what it is. I think im just around too much or something, but i dont know where to go. This is my home too and in the winter time i kinda just like to stay home. I guess i should go out more. I really need to clean the house and i know brian leaves that up to me so i guess i should get to it. I just have felt so unmotivated to do anything around here lately. Thats how i always get in the winter time. I dont know what it is about winter but it really brings the worst out of me. At least its been warm lately tho! What a treat! I wish brian would talk to me. I keep asking him “whats wrong?” “whats wrong?” over and over and i think thats making it worse so i dont want to do that anymore, but i still would like to know what the hell is going on in that head of his. I hate this game of tag that we are playing. One minute im chasing him, and the next hes chasing me. It just keeps going on like this. I mean sometimes there are times when its not like that. I love those times… He says its just because he has a ton of work, but he ALWAYS has a ton of work. Then he says hes just been stressed out and tired. Then he says he needs his space. I try to give it to him, but it never seems like enough. I guess the way to go about this is just to act like i could care less, but there we go with the game of tag-your-it. Maybe its just a phase, maybe it will pass. He does this sometimes. He did this last year….ugh.